1. |
Debt Bed
01:21
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I still feel it sinking like a stone.
Notions I can’t leave well enough alone.
I’m not coming home tonight.
I fucking wish I could comprehend
How to exist without a drink in hand.
I’d rather be alone tonight.
Wishing I wrote the song on my stereo.
It plays on repeat while I stare at the wall.
This is all I know. All I care about at all.
So What?
I’m still existing. Subsisting. Alive.
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2. |
No Love
00:47
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I’ve swallowed my pride so many times and chased it with a broken dream.
I believe in nothing. Not even you and me.
What is it that makes me human? How I deal with pain?
Living in a world where there’s no love.
It must be nice to be complacent and emotionally free.
I believe in nothing and nothing can hurt me.
Maybe it’s cynical. Maybe just naïve
But I’m fed up and feeling stuck living in a world where there’s no love.
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3. |
Critical Excess
02:17
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I’m clinically depressed.
My mother has dementia. She can barely get dressed.
The anxiety and guilt that harbors me.
I self medicate until times where I can’t see.
I went to therapy. I practiced CBT.
I try to meditate but I can’t concentrate.
I lay awake at night dreading the next day
But we still do it anyway.
Maybe I should show some gratitude and focus on what I need to do.
What’s left after years of substance abuse?
I guess I’m just avoiding the noose.
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4. |
Complacency
02:13
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Why bother?
The effort gets you nowhere, and where you are ain't half bad.
These blockades you put up are temporal.
Come back to them later.
Don't worry about the world when nothing ever changes.
This blasé malaise you feel is awfully comforting.
Complacency.
Feeling weak, struggling to eat, and barely here.
So what if you're nothing good?
You’re good enough for me.
Complacency.
You’re failing. It's too hard.
You'll never be something of value.
Creatively devoid and uninspired.
Welcome reality and complacency.
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5. |
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Do you take pride in your work?
Is abuse of power just a perk?
You expect trust that you haven’t earned.
Before you punch in allow me to say you’ve made enemies just to live to your means.
No one cares what you preach and nobody respects police.
You’re just another employee who’d rather be boot licking.
I’ll let you get back to it.
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6. |
Fall To Pieces
01:57
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Fall to pieces or turn to stone.
It’s up to you which way you’ll go.
My expectations may be too high but is it too much for you to try?
With all the people that you know why am I the one you chose?
With all the people that I’ve had why are you still in my head?
I don’t expect you to set me free I just need you to let me breathe.
Nobody tells me what to do but I’ll do anything for you.
Fall to pieces for me.
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7. |
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I suffocate my own means.
I’m snuffing out my old dreams.
I’m swimming up against the stream.
Is this what I really need?!
I turned my back on opportunity.
Breaking hearts that pine for me.
Settled for mediocrity.
Clip my wings. Let me bleed.
I feel so selfishly there’s nights I can’t sleep.
Too many things to fix. I guess ignorance is bliss.
I don’t feel too good about it.
Maybe you don’t want to know.
My actions misdirected but don’t say I never told you so.
When it comes to being dishonest take a backseat because you know I’m on it.
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8. |
Detoxify Me
02:35
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I’m not one to talk about it but I could use a mental audit.
It’s tough to say what gets in the way. I’m still choking on what to say.
In retrospect I wish we called it instead of us being defaulted.
If I had known I would have stayed. We should have seen it coming some day.
You’ll never understand the things you never had.
We’ll go back to pretending things aren’t all that bad.
It’s on my nerves and it’s on my mind. It’s haunting me all of the time.
I try to quit like a bad habit but my gut says I should have it.
We’ll never understand the things we never had.
We’ll go back to pretending things weren’t all that bad
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9. |
Serotonin Party Massacre
03:14
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The party’s over but I won’t go home.
I’d rather stumble blindly into the unknown.
The story that’s here is one of excess.
Your humble narrator avoiding success.
I’m just a stain.
Maybe one day I’ll grow out of this but most likely I’ll just take a piss.
You intervene with me once and I say shame on you.
You intervene with me twice and I say fuck you.
I’m just a stain.
I’m still the same.
I show no restraint.
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10. |
The Burnout
02:10
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Avoid the floors they're spinning now.
Climb the walls to balance out.
Tripping balls just to escape.
But when it's over what remains?
Illusions and phobias, Delusions and paranoia.
I'd rather dance with my demons. They're all my friends.
Consume it all before I crash,
Drink it all to lose myself.
Nothing can ruin my high when all I feel is dead inside.
Defecation and neurosis. Declarations of repressed emotions.
Vomit so much I paint the floor, then rally for some more.
Needles and bumps won't pay my bills.
Defer them with pills.
Illusions and phobias, Delusions and paranoia.
Defecation and neurosis. Declarations of repressed emotions.
I do this constantly but it's better than reality.
Relapse to pass the time and destroy my mind.
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11. |
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I’ve got nothing to prove but my need to annoy you.
You got a problem with what I do so I’ll make it about you.
Everything I do, I do for you.
Everything I do, I do to fuck with you.
If your opinion mattered things would be far from better.
So try to take a hint, what you think ain’t worth shit.
Everything I do I do it just to fuck with you. Petty? Maybe.
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12. |
Guts Are Gone
02:46
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13. |
Sweet Grief
02:51
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Guess who just got back their spine?
Done pretending that I’m fine.
Yeah, I guess I lost my mind. It happens all the time.
Your problem, not mine.
It all boils to the top.
Did you ever stop to think
This depression never stops.
You can either swim or sink.
Empty bottles empty me.
Long term effects? Maybe, we’ll see.
Every time I close my eyes I’m disappointed in my life.
Is that alright?!
I’m not capable of composure and I act recklessly and that’s on me.
But I’m not giving up despite the truth.
I know what to do. Why should I prove myself to you?
It all boils to the top.
Did you ever stop to think
This depression never stops.
You can either swim or sink.
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School Damage Toronto, Ontario
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